Sometimes in the quiet of the night I still see you there.
I see your soft blonde hair running through my fingers.
I feel your warm skin against my body as I hold you close.
I remorse the love that I could not give you.
The scared little girl wouldn’t allow it.
And you- your insecurities would not allow you to accept the love that I did have to give.
I miss your smile and your laughter.
I miss the dreams I refused to admit I had.
I was struggling so hard not to fall in love with you, that I missed the moment I did.
I denied it to myself.
Thinking I had been wrong about loving you.
But now as I look back I see how much love I truly had for you.
I apologize that I could not share that love with you.
Yet, in my heart I knew I was a stepping stone in your life and you in mine.
I long not to jump back into your arms, for I know all too well the lessons we both must learn.
A journey that we cannot take together.
I know not if that journey shall ever find us in that familiar circle again, but I do know
that no matter how far I go, I will always carry you in a very deep and special place in my heart.
And nothing will ever erase the memories and dreams we created together.
We may not see them into fruition, but never doubt that those dreams were real and in a way, in that moment, we did realize those dreams in our hearts.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
The Knowing
The knowing
The knowing is a frightening place on the edge of insanity where
Awareness surpasses reality.
It is a home that feeds on your knowledge.
It fills the mind with geometric shapes of the twisted psyche.
There is no repentance.
For I have seen this matrix with only one door in and no escape.
You know that you know what others know not.
Yet you know what others know that you never will.
It is a sickening discovery of realism.
Remembering Einstein, Rembrandt, Floyd, or Plath with empathy.
Yet, I snuff out just in time before the reaper comes in and steals my soul.
I stop one second before lunacy appears.
I recant, I withdraw, I subside.
The knowing is a frightening place on the edge of insanity where
Awareness surpasses reality.
It is a home that feeds on your knowledge.
It fills the mind with geometric shapes of the twisted psyche.
There is no repentance.
For I have seen this matrix with only one door in and no escape.
You know that you know what others know not.
Yet you know what others know that you never will.
It is a sickening discovery of realism.
Remembering Einstein, Rembrandt, Floyd, or Plath with empathy.
Yet, I snuff out just in time before the reaper comes in and steals my soul.
I stop one second before lunacy appears.
I recant, I withdraw, I subside.
Guesses
How many guesses do I get?
How many guesses do I get before your voice explodes in my ear?
Before I have absolutely nothing left to fear?
How many guesses do I have before it’s your egg shells I must walk upon?
Before I decide I really need to get gone?
How many damn times before I finally learn?
Before I my self decide to turn.
How many times will you destroy me before I care enough to pick up what you shattered?
Before I am nothing left but a pile of used, abused, and completely tattered?
How many guesses do I get in this game you are playing?
Before I refuse the last time to keep on staying?
How many times must I play before I can win?
Before I seen truly all that has been?
How many guesses do I have before I must face the consequence of your pain?
Before I care more about what I have to gain?
How many times must I second guess myself?
Before I feel I’m no longer a disposable product on your shelf?
How many guesses before you bash my head against the wall?
Before I decide it’s time to firmly stand tall?
How many guesses do I get?
Please tell me, how many guesses do I get?
How many guesses do I get before your voice explodes in my ear?
Before I have absolutely nothing left to fear?
How many guesses do I have before it’s your egg shells I must walk upon?
Before I decide I really need to get gone?
How many damn times before I finally learn?
Before I my self decide to turn.
How many times will you destroy me before I care enough to pick up what you shattered?
Before I am nothing left but a pile of used, abused, and completely tattered?
How many guesses do I get in this game you are playing?
Before I refuse the last time to keep on staying?
How many times must I play before I can win?
Before I seen truly all that has been?
How many guesses do I have before I must face the consequence of your pain?
Before I care more about what I have to gain?
How many times must I second guess myself?
Before I feel I’m no longer a disposable product on your shelf?
How many guesses before you bash my head against the wall?
Before I decide it’s time to firmly stand tall?
How many guesses do I get?
Please tell me, how many guesses do I get?
Dysfunction Junction
Dysfunction Junction
Dysfunction junction is a ride where you can no longer hide
It’s where you decide that all of your decisions will misguide.
You wanted to escape, you tried, but without victory you subside.
Someone was suppose to be your guide, but their indignity is covered by your pride
Each one a dose of cyanide, but it’s really your own mission towards emotional suicide.
Abuse and shame always collide, until you stand firm and open eyed
Don’t be embarrassed you can’t get off this joyride; it’s an epidemic spread world wide.
A cycling rollercoaster all part of the landslide, that is, until you turn the tide.
Walk away from the abuse, for god sake, untie the noose
It’s time to call a truce, this time don’t let it seduce
What left do you have to reduce? What is it this time? What excuse?
Aren’t you tired of this boring game? Tell me you want to be the one who overcame.
The only obstacle is you, so dear friend with this dysfunction junction, what will you do?
Dysfunction junction is a ride where you can no longer hide
It’s where you decide that all of your decisions will misguide.
You wanted to escape, you tried, but without victory you subside.
Someone was suppose to be your guide, but their indignity is covered by your pride
Each one a dose of cyanide, but it’s really your own mission towards emotional suicide.
Abuse and shame always collide, until you stand firm and open eyed
Don’t be embarrassed you can’t get off this joyride; it’s an epidemic spread world wide.
A cycling rollercoaster all part of the landslide, that is, until you turn the tide.
Walk away from the abuse, for god sake, untie the noose
It’s time to call a truce, this time don’t let it seduce
What left do you have to reduce? What is it this time? What excuse?
Aren’t you tired of this boring game? Tell me you want to be the one who overcame.
The only obstacle is you, so dear friend with this dysfunction junction, what will you do?
I Push. I Pull
I push. I pull.
I push. I pull.
I grab. I swing.
My mind becomes overloaded with information, emotion, hurt, confusion.
I fall, I get up.
I fall, I get up.
I fall, I get up once more.
I create a foundation to hold me fast, so strong, I myself cannot move.
Caught up in the past, trying to let go.
My heart so desperate for the love yet
It contradicts itself, trying to push love away.
I push. I pull.
I grab. I swing.
My whole being overwhelmed with the love I hold for you in my heart.
How I love each thought, each word, each curve, each shared moment.
Yes, I want to share this journey with you.
And I want to share it with you to its full potential.
What I could miss if I did not, so I must tear down these defenses.
I push. I pull.
I grab. I swing.
I give in.
I give in to love.
I give in to you.
I give myself to the journey.
I give myself to you.
I push. I pull.
I grab. I swing.
My mind becomes overloaded with information, emotion, hurt, confusion.
I fall, I get up.
I fall, I get up.
I fall, I get up once more.
I create a foundation to hold me fast, so strong, I myself cannot move.
Caught up in the past, trying to let go.
My heart so desperate for the love yet
It contradicts itself, trying to push love away.
I push. I pull.
I grab. I swing.
My whole being overwhelmed with the love I hold for you in my heart.
How I love each thought, each word, each curve, each shared moment.
Yes, I want to share this journey with you.
And I want to share it with you to its full potential.
What I could miss if I did not, so I must tear down these defenses.
I push. I pull.
I grab. I swing.
I give in.
I give in to love.
I give in to you.
I give myself to the journey.
I give myself to you.
The sequel
What I am Really Trying to Say- The Sequel
What I am really trying to say is that if my body never touched yours and I never had the chance to make love to you; I would still have fall in love with you.
My heart finds a way of laying itself next to yours, even when you are not with me.
The heart is brutally honest, even when I cannot admit the depth to which it has fallen, it knows and it tells yours as much.
I am not afraid to fall any more because I feel your arms reach out to me to protect me.
The vulnerability that once scared me from sharing is now comforted by yours.
I gladly give you that which I hold most dear.
What I am really trying to say is that I am falling in love with you and to me that is the most beautiful thing my mind can think on.
What I am really trying to say is that if my body never touched yours and I never had the chance to make love to you; I would still have fall in love with you.
My heart finds a way of laying itself next to yours, even when you are not with me.
The heart is brutally honest, even when I cannot admit the depth to which it has fallen, it knows and it tells yours as much.
I am not afraid to fall any more because I feel your arms reach out to me to protect me.
The vulnerability that once scared me from sharing is now comforted by yours.
I gladly give you that which I hold most dear.
What I am really trying to say is that I am falling in love with you and to me that is the most beautiful thing my mind can think on.
What I am really trying to say
What I am really trying to say
What I am really trying to say is that I desperately want to make love to you.
My entire soul longs to be one with you.
I long to taste your skin, touch your nakedness, and feel your body so perfectly fit against mine.
Yet, something stops me.
The heart betrays me for my own good.
Reminding me of the stake, the cost, the consequence.
You see you are not like everyone else.
I long not only to share my body, but my being.
To make myself ultimately vulnerable to you,
and in my heart I feel the same stirring from you.
yet, I know not if you would allow it.
Your mouth speaks and warns not to scare you with I love you’s.
Nor do I myself wish to be petrified at the thought.
This is why I cannot make love to you,
for surely I will loose the little control I have over my emotions for you.
What I am really trying to say is that I desperately want to make love to you.
My entire soul longs to be one with you.
I long to taste your skin, touch your nakedness, and feel your body so perfectly fit against mine.
Yet, something stops me.
The heart betrays me for my own good.
Reminding me of the stake, the cost, the consequence.
You see you are not like everyone else.
I long not only to share my body, but my being.
To make myself ultimately vulnerable to you,
and in my heart I feel the same stirring from you.
yet, I know not if you would allow it.
Your mouth speaks and warns not to scare you with I love you’s.
Nor do I myself wish to be petrified at the thought.
This is why I cannot make love to you,
for surely I will loose the little control I have over my emotions for you.
Pondering
Pondering on you
There is a strange serene comfort I feel when I pass by and watch you in the window.
You never see me, never notice, never stop.
I watch each move you make hoping that your steps will tell me something about you.
Who are you?
How is it that a total stranger has captivated my attention?
You are beautiful, yet it is not your looks that make me pause.
There is a strong wind that pushes me in your direction as I walk by.
I desperately want to speak with you, learn you, feel you, know you.
Though I know you not, something in me tells me to believe that I should.
What creates the human being that individualizes you?
What makes the tears flow, from where do you derive strength?
What pool do you pull your happiness from?
Somehow I feel as If I already know you.
Call them guesses perhaps.
I would suppose that you have an inner strength that drives you,
a self esteem that defeats you, and a broken heart that deceived you.
What you do for entertainment. Art? Sports? Dancing?
If I got to know you, could amuse me?
I suspect so, with your smile.
Suddenly feel that silly crazed teenager tingly feeling inside of me.
Will she notice me? Will she like me? Do I interest her?
You tell a friend that you don’t want to jump into a relationship.
I am in no mood to lay all of my vulnerability on the line.
The desire is not mine to tie you down.
I simply ask that you might allow me to ponder on your soaring.
There is a strange serene comfort I feel when I pass by and watch you in the window.
You never see me, never notice, never stop.
I watch each move you make hoping that your steps will tell me something about you.
Who are you?
How is it that a total stranger has captivated my attention?
You are beautiful, yet it is not your looks that make me pause.
There is a strong wind that pushes me in your direction as I walk by.
I desperately want to speak with you, learn you, feel you, know you.
Though I know you not, something in me tells me to believe that I should.
What creates the human being that individualizes you?
What makes the tears flow, from where do you derive strength?
What pool do you pull your happiness from?
Somehow I feel as If I already know you.
Call them guesses perhaps.
I would suppose that you have an inner strength that drives you,
a self esteem that defeats you, and a broken heart that deceived you.
What you do for entertainment. Art? Sports? Dancing?
If I got to know you, could amuse me?
I suspect so, with your smile.
Suddenly feel that silly crazed teenager tingly feeling inside of me.
Will she notice me? Will she like me? Do I interest her?
You tell a friend that you don’t want to jump into a relationship.
I am in no mood to lay all of my vulnerability on the line.
The desire is not mine to tie you down.
I simply ask that you might allow me to ponder on your soaring.
Work
Work
Work. Work. Work.
2750 hours of this year gone.
Sleep- 2496 more gone.
3490 left to clean, pick up the kids, run errands, pay bills, grocery shop, pencil in time to enjoy life.
Busy. Busy. Go. Go.
Cars whizzing by and electricity shooting through the air.
Starbucks Carmel Macchiato, that sounds good. "$4.95 please."
Watch Oprah and American Idol on Tivo.
Shower, make coffee, make the bed, make a life.
Don't stop now, keep going.
Be a daughter, be a friend, be a lover, talk to Jesus, pick up the dry cleaning, complain about life with a friend.
Drive to the mall, watch the flourescent red, blue, and yellow signs flash by me.
Pass a homeless person.
Wait.
Stop.
Don't.
Don't be de-sensitized.
Who is this man?
Where is his family?
How can I be so blessed and him so unfortunate?
How did he end up on the street?
How will he spend Christmas? Alone? In a shelter? Begging for change from travellers?
8736 hours to worship Jesus and what have I done?
Gave change to the Salvation Army. Spent 5 years at a school fixing it up. Went to church 39 times, busy the other 13.
Squandered my time. Squandered my talent. Squandered my treasure.
Gave not enough back for what I was given.
Looked at commercialism instead of humanity...
God forgive me.
Shower me with your grace and mercy.
I am inadequate.
I am unworthy.
Slow me down.
Thank you Lord for your messanger.
Lord, I am humbled.
Work. Work. Work.
2750 hours of this year gone.
Sleep- 2496 more gone.
3490 left to clean, pick up the kids, run errands, pay bills, grocery shop, pencil in time to enjoy life.
Busy. Busy. Go. Go.
Cars whizzing by and electricity shooting through the air.
Starbucks Carmel Macchiato, that sounds good. "$4.95 please."
Watch Oprah and American Idol on Tivo.
Shower, make coffee, make the bed, make a life.
Don't stop now, keep going.
Be a daughter, be a friend, be a lover, talk to Jesus, pick up the dry cleaning, complain about life with a friend.
Drive to the mall, watch the flourescent red, blue, and yellow signs flash by me.
Pass a homeless person.
Wait.
Stop.
Don't.
Don't be de-sensitized.
Who is this man?
Where is his family?
How can I be so blessed and him so unfortunate?
How did he end up on the street?
How will he spend Christmas? Alone? In a shelter? Begging for change from travellers?
8736 hours to worship Jesus and what have I done?
Gave change to the Salvation Army. Spent 5 years at a school fixing it up. Went to church 39 times, busy the other 13.
Squandered my time. Squandered my talent. Squandered my treasure.
Gave not enough back for what I was given.
Looked at commercialism instead of humanity...
God forgive me.
Shower me with your grace and mercy.
I am inadequate.
I am unworthy.
Slow me down.
Thank you Lord for your messanger.
Lord, I am humbled.
Wind
Wind
Oh you wicked wind.
You come charging past my door.
All the birds have flown away.
I am left standing here with only my resolve.
Your electrical charge is in the sky.
And oh you are mighty.
I could not fight you if I tried.
Trying to ground myself is simply the only way I can find to stand.
I Plant my feet as firmly as I can while I let your motion sway me with its force.
From side to side I sway, vulnerable and raw from your current.
I hear your voice 1000 miles away like a train blowing through town.
Tell me why you have come to visit?
The branches of my trees are shuttering, shaking, and bending.
Tell me what creation you will make of me when this is over?
The scent of your dawning and moving in my direction brings to me a renewal, a cleansing, a rebirth.
Let me stand firm yet fluid in your tempest that I might have a sacrifice worthy to lay at your alter.
What would the wind love?
Let me be that muse.
Your ocean, your trees, the sands that you blow across…but be unfamiliar, unlike any visit you've known before.
Come to me gentle breeze and drape yourself in my world.
I cannot see you, I cannot own you or even touch your very essence.
But, I can rest in your presence knowing that I am your true North.
Oh you wicked wind.
You come charging past my door.
All the birds have flown away.
I am left standing here with only my resolve.
Your electrical charge is in the sky.
And oh you are mighty.
I could not fight you if I tried.
Trying to ground myself is simply the only way I can find to stand.
I Plant my feet as firmly as I can while I let your motion sway me with its force.
From side to side I sway, vulnerable and raw from your current.
I hear your voice 1000 miles away like a train blowing through town.
Tell me why you have come to visit?
The branches of my trees are shuttering, shaking, and bending.
Tell me what creation you will make of me when this is over?
The scent of your dawning and moving in my direction brings to me a renewal, a cleansing, a rebirth.
Let me stand firm yet fluid in your tempest that I might have a sacrifice worthy to lay at your alter.
What would the wind love?
Let me be that muse.
Your ocean, your trees, the sands that you blow across…but be unfamiliar, unlike any visit you've known before.
Come to me gentle breeze and drape yourself in my world.
I cannot see you, I cannot own you or even touch your very essence.
But, I can rest in your presence knowing that I am your true North.
Visit with me
Visit with me
The amber lingers in the air and I am inebriated by its presence.
Its familiarity resonates somewhere deep inside me.
Compelled I find myself in drinking up every second you might graciously bestow on me.
Retreat not back to the well known world, but rather take my hand and together let us move into tomorrow.
The feelings of the moment are unutterable, far beyond my best attempt.
You to me are the quintessential definition of all that is filled with beauty in the world.
Perhaps I ought not speak such things as we first meet, but rich is my experience and it need not be kept to secrecy.
Allow me to announce your radiance to the world, for I am smitten.
I beg thee not to hesitate for I am like a wanton wretch searching aimless in your absence.
Do not think that somehow I am not whole without you, but rather believe that our moments of togetherness create in me a greater person than had you not visited
The amber lingers in the air and I am inebriated by its presence.
Its familiarity resonates somewhere deep inside me.
Compelled I find myself in drinking up every second you might graciously bestow on me.
Retreat not back to the well known world, but rather take my hand and together let us move into tomorrow.
The feelings of the moment are unutterable, far beyond my best attempt.
You to me are the quintessential definition of all that is filled with beauty in the world.
Perhaps I ought not speak such things as we first meet, but rich is my experience and it need not be kept to secrecy.
Allow me to announce your radiance to the world, for I am smitten.
I beg thee not to hesitate for I am like a wanton wretch searching aimless in your absence.
Do not think that somehow I am not whole without you, but rather believe that our moments of togetherness create in me a greater person than had you not visited
Untitled
I dig past the pain and I find even more.
Broken fragments I cannot string together.
My guilt is over whelming, yet I cannot find the crime.
Alone, afraid, fearful, paralyzed.
I cannot throw you away and yet I cannot embrace the gravity of your truth.
I run, cry, fight for addiction and fill my world with activity to avoid
the stay still truth you know.
Too much to think on.
I'd rather sleep.
God help me.
Feel for me, what I cannot.
Unlike Before
Unlike Before
Thats right baby, take your love and store it away,
Hide it deep inside for some cloudy rainy day.
You say me pushing is part of what kept your love at bay,
But I was just trying to understand what you could never seem to say.
Im not sure why you couldnt love me in a way that was rich and deep,
Perhaps it was just too big of an emotional leap.
Im sorry I was so consumed with everything that encompasses you,
But I fell in love and had no idea what I was supposed to do.
I will remember with fondness your bare skin, your laughter, and your beautiful hair.
And somehow I will try to believe that somehow, someway, you really did care.
Ill try to remember how very deeply you touched me inside
And forget all the times I sat alone, waited and cried.
I will look until I find someone who thinks I hang the moon,
But you need to know that I wont be forgetting you soon.
It makes me so sad that things had to end this way.
I so looked forward to your bright beautiful face with each waking day.
I pray that love finds me through some new unknown door,
But next time I will love more carefully, unlike before.
Thats right baby, take your love and store it away,
Hide it deep inside for some cloudy rainy day.
You say me pushing is part of what kept your love at bay,
But I was just trying to understand what you could never seem to say.
Im not sure why you couldnt love me in a way that was rich and deep,
Perhaps it was just too big of an emotional leap.
Im sorry I was so consumed with everything that encompasses you,
But I fell in love and had no idea what I was supposed to do.
I will remember with fondness your bare skin, your laughter, and your beautiful hair.
And somehow I will try to believe that somehow, someway, you really did care.
Ill try to remember how very deeply you touched me inside
And forget all the times I sat alone, waited and cried.
I will look until I find someone who thinks I hang the moon,
But you need to know that I wont be forgetting you soon.
It makes me so sad that things had to end this way.
I so looked forward to your bright beautiful face with each waking day.
I pray that love finds me through some new unknown door,
But next time I will love more carefully, unlike before.
TMBGITW
The most beautiful girl in the world
Like licking cotton candy off your fingers,
I never want to forget the taste.
Like riding a swing on a breezy day,
you never want to forget the high of flying through the air.
Shes like the angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Like a poem I want to read over and over.
The comic section in the middle of the daily news.
Shes the brightest light in the sky.
Like the finest glass of purple cabernet.
Shes the only place I want to be.
Like finding the perfect sea shell waiting for you to admire.
One smile and you will be captivated by her charm.
Her brown eyes with warm flecks of green and gold are like looking into truth itself.
She is the most beautiful girl in the world.
Yes to me, she is the most beautiful girl in the world.
Like licking cotton candy off your fingers,
I never want to forget the taste.
Like riding a swing on a breezy day,
you never want to forget the high of flying through the air.
Shes like the angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Like a poem I want to read over and over.
The comic section in the middle of the daily news.
Shes the brightest light in the sky.
Like the finest glass of purple cabernet.
Shes the only place I want to be.
Like finding the perfect sea shell waiting for you to admire.
One smile and you will be captivated by her charm.
Her brown eyes with warm flecks of green and gold are like looking into truth itself.
She is the most beautiful girl in the world.
Yes to me, she is the most beautiful girl in the world.
The Circle
The circle
There is strength I draw in the circle.
Its strong walls protect me.
I feel its loving arms around me.
It takes me on a journey without end.
Oh how I admire its bending ability.
How it so graciously curves from side to side;
ever flexible, but built with a foundation that is unbreakable.
I feel a light from the middle of the circle.
Sitting in the middle of the beginning and the end.
There is strength I draw in the circle.
Its strong walls protect me.
I feel its loving arms around me.
It takes me on a journey without end.
Oh how I admire its bending ability.
How it so graciously curves from side to side;
ever flexible, but built with a foundation that is unbreakable.
I feel a light from the middle of the circle.
Sitting in the middle of the beginning and the end.
Psychedelic in my bed
Psychedelic in my bed
Psychedelic in my bed,
Can't get this awful feeling from my fucking head.
Won't move forward
Can't let go.
The downward spiral
Torturing me so.
Kaleidoscopic vision never disappears,
A rainbow of atrocity fills between my ears.
Who are you this soul I must claim as mine?
What my mind has done must be a final sign.
Abomination to polarize this personality it must be.
I am a transfixed imagined figure this world will never really see.
All that is angelic and innocent looms,
so dangerously close to my naughty hidden rooms.
Who am I, this contemporary fairy on free flight?
Yes, I think it's going to be another very long night.
Psychedelic in my bed,
Can't get this awful feeling from my fucking head.
Won't move forward
Can't let go.
The downward spiral
Torturing me so.
Kaleidoscopic vision never disappears,
A rainbow of atrocity fills between my ears.
Who are you this soul I must claim as mine?
What my mind has done must be a final sign.
Abomination to polarize this personality it must be.
I am a transfixed imagined figure this world will never really see.
All that is angelic and innocent looms,
so dangerously close to my naughty hidden rooms.
Who am I, this contemporary fairy on free flight?
Yes, I think it's going to be another very long night.
Inadequate
Inadequate
I've used my vernacular to describe pining for a love I was never meant to have.
Used it describe a love I could not myself feel or reciprocate.
Verbalized love that has come and gone from mismatched agendas.
Shared my philosophy with the world on what love is and isn't.
But, tonight, I find any words I can string together to describe you, inadequate.
The effort I have put forth to love or to be love is immeasurable.
Dragging, pulling, begging, crying, and reaching from the inside to pull out emptiness.
Yet your love is without exercise.
Naturally the words, the feelings, and the beauty flows.
I fear trivializing my feelings for you from lack of comprehension.
For now, all I can say is this.
You're crashing into my world was an unexpected answered prayer.
Every moment since has blessed me beyond measure.
No tears, no pain, no struggle, no need to explain or define.
It is simply the most comfortable place I have ever rested my head.
Anything else I might say is truly inadequate.
I've used my vernacular to describe pining for a love I was never meant to have.
Used it describe a love I could not myself feel or reciprocate.
Verbalized love that has come and gone from mismatched agendas.
Shared my philosophy with the world on what love is and isn't.
But, tonight, I find any words I can string together to describe you, inadequate.
The effort I have put forth to love or to be love is immeasurable.
Dragging, pulling, begging, crying, and reaching from the inside to pull out emptiness.
Yet your love is without exercise.
Naturally the words, the feelings, and the beauty flows.
I fear trivializing my feelings for you from lack of comprehension.
For now, all I can say is this.
You're crashing into my world was an unexpected answered prayer.
Every moment since has blessed me beyond measure.
No tears, no pain, no struggle, no need to explain or define.
It is simply the most comfortable place I have ever rested my head.
Anything else I might say is truly inadequate.
In my sea of Animosity
In my sea of animosity, I find you as refuge.
How dare I speak of the loneliness I feel in your absence when the world is full of much crueler fates and yet I lie here alone wondering how blue I can be without you by my side.
My greatest gift is your presence, no pomp and circumstance required.
Blessed beyond measure doesn’t even capture the sentiment.
Am I whole without you? Indeed. Do not mistake us for dysfunction or dependency.
That is not you or I.
I am the ocean and you the night watchman.
You are the flower and I am the bee.
I do not cease to exist without you, however, my existence is free to soar with your influence.
I knew not what I was capable of becoming.
God has created an amazing partnership.
Lonely am I tonight in a city far away, longing for just a brief glance or touch to bring you near, but blessed knowing you are safely home waiting my arrival.
Beyond God, you are my greatest blessing.
Tonight, far away from our bed, I mourn alone, longing for you.
Solace I find in God who united us and the night we meet again to embrace like no other.
How dare I speak of the loneliness I feel in your absence when the world is full of much crueler fates and yet I lie here alone wondering how blue I can be without you by my side.
My greatest gift is your presence, no pomp and circumstance required.
Blessed beyond measure doesn’t even capture the sentiment.
Am I whole without you? Indeed. Do not mistake us for dysfunction or dependency.
That is not you or I.
I am the ocean and you the night watchman.
You are the flower and I am the bee.
I do not cease to exist without you, however, my existence is free to soar with your influence.
I knew not what I was capable of becoming.
God has created an amazing partnership.
Lonely am I tonight in a city far away, longing for just a brief glance or touch to bring you near, but blessed knowing you are safely home waiting my arrival.
Beyond God, you are my greatest blessing.
Tonight, far away from our bed, I mourn alone, longing for you.
Solace I find in God who united us and the night we meet again to embrace like no other.
Feels Like Home
Feels like home..
Feels like home whenever your hand embraces my face.
Your touch sustains me.
And the brushing of your lips against mine tells me I have arrived.
You, to me, are like a day spent in the tall grass staring up at the sun beating down on my face
Each moment is like magical mystery that I must embrace.
Your scent is reminds me of a roaring fireplace with a warm blanket and a glass of wine.
While the gaze that we share beckons like a million moments born in an instant.
Every ringlet that falls to your shoulders is a reminder of each memory we are about to make.
Stunning and striking is how I would describe your beauty that ascends itself upon me like a star falling through a clear fall night sky.
Yes, indeed, I am smitten with what has become us. It is familiar like the warm rushing of salt water around my feet at sunset.
Inside me you create a revival filled with laughter, music, and clapping hands.
Never, and again I say never, has a kiss called to me like yours.
You are the unpaved road I must walk down.
I close my eyes and smell the fresh air, feel the breeze, know this place.
Yes, indeed, in you, I have found home.
Feels like home whenever your hand embraces my face.
Your touch sustains me.
And the brushing of your lips against mine tells me I have arrived.
You, to me, are like a day spent in the tall grass staring up at the sun beating down on my face
Each moment is like magical mystery that I must embrace.
Your scent is reminds me of a roaring fireplace with a warm blanket and a glass of wine.
While the gaze that we share beckons like a million moments born in an instant.
Every ringlet that falls to your shoulders is a reminder of each memory we are about to make.
Stunning and striking is how I would describe your beauty that ascends itself upon me like a star falling through a clear fall night sky.
Yes, indeed, I am smitten with what has become us. It is familiar like the warm rushing of salt water around my feet at sunset.
Inside me you create a revival filled with laughter, music, and clapping hands.
Never, and again I say never, has a kiss called to me like yours.
You are the unpaved road I must walk down.
I close my eyes and smell the fresh air, feel the breeze, know this place.
Yes, indeed, in you, I have found home.
Bloody
Bloody
The silver sharp blade cuts into my jugular as the innocent blood spills on the concrete.
The rest of my innocence lays defeated on the floor.
How can you not love me?
How can you walk away?
The suicide of my soul lays dormant at your feet;
You swept the bloody mess under the carpet like I never came.
Forget the sweet beauty of my first kiss and embrace,
Remember not making love in the kitchen, on the floor, on the couch or even in your backyard.
Wash it all away, cleanse your sins, my delicate one.
Retreat to your comfort where you are familiar and I am away.
I am lost on your lonely insanity.
Forgive me for my words, for I have nothing left.
Your beauty is beyond my recognition, so allow me to repent.
I have fallen beyond the grave and my soul cannot be redeemed.
Why can't you reach out and save this moment?
Forgive me for my intoxication, for the next drink is all I can bare.
Much more than knowing you love me, but fear what you cannot see.
I rest on the milky white skin you call your own, but I cannot touch.
Fool I am.
Fool I become.
The bloody splotches have taken away my recourse.
Miss you still I will, as you hide behind comfort and unsaid words.
But know that I feel your presence penetrates me still.
I am lost completely until you find your way.
I pray you find it soon.
Come home to me my love before the bell tolls too late.
The silver sharp blade cuts into my jugular as the innocent blood spills on the concrete.
The rest of my innocence lays defeated on the floor.
How can you not love me?
How can you walk away?
The suicide of my soul lays dormant at your feet;
You swept the bloody mess under the carpet like I never came.
Forget the sweet beauty of my first kiss and embrace,
Remember not making love in the kitchen, on the floor, on the couch or even in your backyard.
Wash it all away, cleanse your sins, my delicate one.
Retreat to your comfort where you are familiar and I am away.
I am lost on your lonely insanity.
Forgive me for my words, for I have nothing left.
Your beauty is beyond my recognition, so allow me to repent.
I have fallen beyond the grave and my soul cannot be redeemed.
Why can't you reach out and save this moment?
Forgive me for my intoxication, for the next drink is all I can bare.
Much more than knowing you love me, but fear what you cannot see.
I rest on the milky white skin you call your own, but I cannot touch.
Fool I am.
Fool I become.
The bloody splotches have taken away my recourse.
Miss you still I will, as you hide behind comfort and unsaid words.
But know that I feel your presence penetrates me still.
I am lost completely until you find your way.
I pray you find it soon.
Come home to me my love before the bell tolls too late.
Belly of the Bridge
Belly of the Bridge
I thought it was some hallucination or maybe the Shiraz.,
as I watched the man who called the belly of the bridge his home.
His arms and legs flailed through the air like he was kicking and screaming for sanity.
Was this his entertainment for those who rode by nightly in the riverboat?
Perhaps it was his own?
Or maybe he was acting out some nightmarish skit from his past.
Someone said he must be high.
I might be as well if I lived his life.
The speed of the boat forsook my steps as I tried to keep him in sight.
All alone he stood unshaven, unkempt, and perhaps unloved.
Was it a curse or a blessing?
I thought it was some hallucination or maybe the Shiraz.,
as I watched the man who called the belly of the bridge his home.
His arms and legs flailed through the air like he was kicking and screaming for sanity.
Was this his entertainment for those who rode by nightly in the riverboat?
Perhaps it was his own?
Or maybe he was acting out some nightmarish skit from his past.
Someone said he must be high.
I might be as well if I lived his life.
The speed of the boat forsook my steps as I tried to keep him in sight.
All alone he stood unshaven, unkempt, and perhaps unloved.
Was it a curse or a blessing?
As I first learned
As I first learned
Foggy night you blind my eyes.
You are a flailing, fleeing ship with no steer.
I am the middle of crashing dark waves that continue to capsize.
I love you deep.
You control me.
Yet I hate you.
No control do I have over your deviance.
How do I escape when you are my sticky flesh?
I cannot burn or cut you away like a gangrenous limb.
No-you follow, you heal, you survive.
How do I beat down this monster?
I beat you, only to have your thanks.
I soar in anger, only to have you laugh in my face with your hot gnarly breath.
How have you taken me over?
My knuckles are bloody from the fight, yet it is always I who is defeated.
Cant I scratch you out?
What is this degradation?
What wormhole did you use to crawl into my brain?
What shame that I cannot loose you without losing myself.
What insanity have you graffitied on my brain?
Once in the knowing, there is no escape. No running from the charred glassy pieces that prick and thorn your mind.
Forsake me again that I might fall into a never-ending tizzy of dismay and loss.
Let me forget as I first learned.
Please I beg you-give me mercy.
Let me forget as I first learned.
Foggy night you blind my eyes.
You are a flailing, fleeing ship with no steer.
I am the middle of crashing dark waves that continue to capsize.
I love you deep.
You control me.
Yet I hate you.
No control do I have over your deviance.
How do I escape when you are my sticky flesh?
I cannot burn or cut you away like a gangrenous limb.
No-you follow, you heal, you survive.
How do I beat down this monster?
I beat you, only to have your thanks.
I soar in anger, only to have you laugh in my face with your hot gnarly breath.
How have you taken me over?
My knuckles are bloody from the fight, yet it is always I who is defeated.
Cant I scratch you out?
What is this degradation?
What wormhole did you use to crawl into my brain?
What shame that I cannot loose you without losing myself.
What insanity have you graffitied on my brain?
Once in the knowing, there is no escape. No running from the charred glassy pieces that prick and thorn your mind.
Forsake me again that I might fall into a never-ending tizzy of dismay and loss.
Let me forget as I first learned.
Please I beg you-give me mercy.
Let me forget as I first learned.
Addicted
Addicted
We are addicted to the media every single day.
Addicted to every damn word a star has to say.
Addicted to reality in the TV.
Addicted to every infomercial with promises of what we can be.
Snap. Crackle. Pop.
Yes, Everyone goes insane.
Some people are addicted to a little Mary Jane.
Others its a life full of constant pain.
Some people are addicted as soon as the needle sticks.
For some its as simple as fortune and fame as it tricks.
Snap crackle pop.
Yes, Everyone goes insane.
I am addicted to coffee and I cant live without cigarettes.
I am addicted to work and at least 1000 other regrets.
I am addicted to passing slow drivers in the left lane.
Sometimes its arguing even when I have nothing to gain.
Snap. Crackle. Pop.
Yes, even I go insane.
We are addicted to the media every single day.
Addicted to every damn word a star has to say.
Addicted to reality in the TV.
Addicted to every infomercial with promises of what we can be.
Snap. Crackle. Pop.
Yes, Everyone goes insane.
Some people are addicted to a little Mary Jane.
Others its a life full of constant pain.
Some people are addicted as soon as the needle sticks.
For some its as simple as fortune and fame as it tricks.
Snap crackle pop.
Yes, Everyone goes insane.
I am addicted to coffee and I cant live without cigarettes.
I am addicted to work and at least 1000 other regrets.
I am addicted to passing slow drivers in the left lane.
Sometimes its arguing even when I have nothing to gain.
Snap. Crackle. Pop.
Yes, even I go insane.
Hola de Tate
Here in lies my deepest thoughts, fears, anxiety, passion, and stories. I am posting many of my older works here first, so they are in no chronological order. I hope you enjoy my work. I have been blessed with many life experiences. I hope I can capture those adequately on these pages. Thanks to all of those people who have passed in and out of my life and inspired these feelings.
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